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09 September 2010

Funny And Weird News Quiz Contest

1. The leading candidate for the most bizarre religious news this week goes to:
a) The Southside Bay Christian Church, which performed an exorcism rite on a motorcycle
b) St. Peter's Anglican Church, which gave communion to a dog
c) Blessed Sacrament's Catholic diocese, which voted for "the Holy Ghost" to fill a vacant council chair

2. Emergency responders arriving at the scene of a one-car accident at 3:28 in the morning were surprised when they discovered:
a) The driver of the vehicle was a very large bear
b) The vehicle in question was a motorized sofa
c) That the car was stolen and belonged to one of the paramedics

3. Germans are bracing themselves for a terrifying change this summer as a result of global warming. What is it?
a) The Elbe River is low enough to dredge out unexploded British and American bombs from World War II
b) A "veritable plague" of pasty, low-tipping Belgian tourists
c) Shorter french fries in their fast food industry

4. The most unusual candidacy of the week was announced by a man who:
a) Is running for the presidency of Nigeria ... from his home in Colorado
b) Refuses to put his real name on the ballot, because "Darth Vader" is more eye-catching
c) Is running against a golden retriever named Sampson, who has held the mayoral position since 2002

5. A Canadian man has filed civil suit against authorities for an egregious affront to his civil liberties. Specifically:
a) That local officials had no right to use eminent domain on a Tim Hortons without coffee compensation
b) That the police strip-searched him looking for a concealed pie
c) That the police used his public Facebook postings taunting the police against him

6. A cricket match in Australia was interrupted earlier this week when:
a) A player was struck in the chest by a meteorite
b) Police had to be called after fans threw fake grenades onto the field in protest
c) A curse on the field of play had to be lifted by a team shaman

7. Happy that the streets are now safe again, police in Oklahoma are pleased to announce the capture of one fugitive who was on the run:
a) The man who ran over his own foot after failing to pull an ATM out of the ground
b) The teenager who had been streaking through the local mall after hours
c) The woman who robbed a McDonald's while wearing a girdle on her face

8. Scientists for an advocacy group performed some environmental tests and were surprised to find something unusual:
a) Fish that died from hypoxia as a result of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill were actually healthier than netted fish
b) That we are being exposed to toxins every time we handle ... register receipts
c) According to ice core samples, our air is the cleanest it's been in over 3,800 years

9. The most embarrassing gaffe of the week, and possibly the year, is awarded to:
a) A parenting magazine's newsletter that included child pornography in it
b) The U.S. Postal Service's 225th birthday celebration mailers, which had an RSVP number to an NRA donation line
c) The Comcast programming genius who mistook the "Dora" title "Nana can sing" and instead treated Nickelodeon viewers to "The Rape of Nanking"

10. One woman was surprised to discover that the reason her car was "running rough" the previous week was caused by:
a) Human hair in her engine belts
b) A colony of Japanese hornets in her intake manifold
c) A cheeseburger in her gas tank

1) B – It's not fair for the dog; a communion wafer does look a lot like a Frisbee
2) A – And now you know the other thing a bear does in the woods
3) C – Only Germany warns the public of french fries not meeting precision-engineered lengths
4) A – And you don't want to know how a Nigerian candidate does his fundraising
5) B – If a naked man offers you a cream pie, you just keep walking, son
6) A – The meteorite was the only interesting and comprehensible thing about the whole match
7) C – Ma'am, you've got a girdle on your face
8) B – Synthetic estrogen + shopping receipts: positive feedback loop?
9) A – There is nothing funny about child porn, you knuckleheads
10) C – Vows never to eat at High Octane Burger ever again


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